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Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. All sorted from the best by our visitors. See TOP 10 sarcastic one liners.One liner tags: christian, puns. 82.62 % / 3844 votes. share. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. One liner tags: car, christian. 82.56 % / 2770 votes. share. Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. One liner tags: christian.Sep 1, 2023 - Explore Kenneth Biggs's board "one liners" on Pinterest. See more ideas about sarcastic quotes funny, sarcastic quotes, funny quotes.An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true. One liner tags: attitude, life, motivational. 81.68 % / 604 votes. share. God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems. One liner tags: attitude, God, life, motivational. 81.66 % / 1386 votes.It can't buy you money. ~ Henny Youngman. When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I'm old, I know it is. ~ Oscar Wilde. People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." ~ Joan Rivers.One day a man hears that a distant uncle passed away. He's a little sad, but only a little, for they barely knew each other. Then, a few days later, a package arrives. It contains his inheritance from the estate: A violin and a painting. He has no idea what to do with them.One-liners on Love. Now join your hands, and with your hands your hearts. Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. I am someone else when I’m with you, someone more like myself. “Love goes toward love”. ― William Shakespeare. “To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven”. ― Karen Sunde.Sarcastic one liners. You’re not yourself today. It’s nice. Your argument is sound, just sound, lots of sound. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go. ~Oscar Wilde. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.Sep 5, 2017 · Witty One Liners About Life “Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, Chocolate understands.” ― Unknown “Ways to my heart: 1. Buy me food. 2. Make me food. 3. Be Food.” ― Unknown “God made you. God made me. Then he whispered meant to be…” ― Unknown “I wonder how many calories bitches burn by jumping to conclusions ...Sarcasm, often described as the lowest form of wit, can be the funniest when done right. The art of sarcastic humor is all about delivering clever quips and playful jabs. In this article, we present a collection of witty one-liners that will entertain and amuse you. Whether you’re a fan of sarcasm or just looking for a good laugh, these jokes ...Part 2. Funny Quotes That ARE… Short Funny Quotes And Humorous Lines. Go to table of contents. One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts, and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, and backgrounds.Benjamin Disraeli. Funny & Sarcastic Ways to Say Thank You. I don’t understand people who say, “I don’t know how to thank you!” Like they’ve never heard of …1. I am very good at keeping secrets. It is the people I tell them to who cannot. 2. I didn't get your text. Or perhaps my dog ate it again. 3. My grief therapist died the …A brilliant Sarcastic Jokes collection of the most funniest and witty one liners and quotes that will leave you Laughing Out Loud. Here are the 80 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm.View in gallery. Guilty pleasure dark jokes. 10. During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval. I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.Funny Quotes about Vacation. Work hard. Travel harder. I need a holiday. And by "holiday" I mean I need to move away and find a job. On the beach. With cocktails. The temptation to go to the airport, buy a one-way ticket, leave the country and live on my own has never been so real. Ladies, imagine this. It's 15 years from now, and you ...Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming. One liner tags: animal, health, rude. 94.46 % / 1667 votes. Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. One liner tags: animal. 94.46 % / 1785 votes. It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the ...I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it. 77.71 % / 722 votes. If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty. 77.68 % / 898 votes. Page 1 of 17. Absolutely hillarious flirty one-liners! The largest collection of flirty one-line jokes in the world.Apr 25, 2022 - Explore Dark Sarcasm's board "Sarcastic Quotes", followed by 361 people on Pinterest. See more ideas about sarcastic quotes, quotes, funny quotes.30. "If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer." —Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) 31. “If we get any more white people in here, this is gonna be a suburb ...Jul 31, 2023 · Here are some classic one-liners that golfers have been using for years: “Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.”. “They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.”. “Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears.”.Dirty one liners. A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!" One liner tags: communication, dirty, men, women. 79.76 % / 855 votes.This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. One liner tags: death, life, people. 82.14 % / 1702 votes. Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot. One liner tags: people, puns. 82.06 % / 68 votes. Light travels faster than sound.

When you think of the SEC, "fun" isn't the word that usually comes to mind. When you think of the US Securities and Exchange Commission, “fun” isn’t the word that usually comes to ...3. "Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.". - Winston Churchill. 4. "Don't stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.". - George Burns. 5. "Budget - a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.".Tony Stark is known for his intellect, the Iron Man suit, and for being able to spout some of the most quippy, savage one-liners around. From his first appearance on screen in the MCU in the first Iron Man all the way through to Avengers: Endgame, Tony Stark has been making audiences laugh with his sarcasm and wit.. RELATED: Iron Man …Witty One Liners about Men. “You can’t belay a man who’s falling in love.” ~ Edward Abbey. “An empty man is full of himself.”. “A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn’t want.” ~ William Binger.

Here are some of the greatest funny quotes and most famous catchphrases from some of the best sitcoms of all time. 1. That 70's Show. "I said good day.". — Fez. 2. Full House.From the original trilogy to the prequels, Obi-Wan has been known to deliver the occasional funny one-liner. "I Hate It When He Does That." ... Part of the charm of McGregor's take on Obi-Wan is that he plays him with a sarcastic and somewhat sassy sense of humor. It is unexpected but it actually works surprisingly well, especially when facing ...Feb 17, 2014 - This Pin was discovered by Natalie Dirksen. Discover (and save!) your own Pins on Pinterest…

Reader Q&A - also see RECOMMENDED ARTICLES & FAQs. One-liners Day 2024: Celebrate One-liners Day with a collection . Possible cause: Body like a Greek statue - completely pale, no arms.". - Phil Wang. "If God.